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heavens_dew's journal
Hi everyone,
I've decided to move over to blogger - for various reasons. Most notably, my computer is somewhat averse to livejournal for no particular reason, and each login takes at least 10 minutes.
Nevertheless, this account shall be maintained, but please do relink if possible (:
Have a happy holiday!
Now, given this sentence to write, however desired - though within the rules - to treat it: not as a sentence to doom but a sentence of expression, of opportunity, of passion, of love.
Elation? Quite far from it; is that bad? - Is it necessary.
But weariness is a far worse alternative.
Thus - a simple thank you.
Batch'09. Fluboes'09. RGSSB'09.
Now, it's our turn.
Batch - take heart, have courage.
Fluboes - striking the balance.
RGSSB - to greater heights.
What can I say, what can I do - but offer this heart completely to You.
-
Irrelevantly, 55-fictions we wrote in class (: Writing's actually rather fun, although am not particularly good at it.
Incongruous?
He looked, and saw: petite blooms, petals silken and smooth; choice firstfruits, fleshy and full. Reveling, unabashed, in praise.
She looked, and saw. That same plot, entrenched in It’s ways. Embattled by Death’s troops headed for plunder.
He and she, an inseparable couple. Unlikely, but nevertheless so.
Success and beauty lie – all in the eye.
Second chances
I stagger. Paralysed at the prospect of endless deterioration, and a terrifying end. Degeneration of the generation, you say in a matter of fact manner, delivering a quick routine homility. A sheepish grin mustered, I inwardly cringe at the thought. Eternal condemnation! – oh, if only I’d a second chance. Oughtn’t we all?
Darn these spectacles.
After proudly announcing my resolution to sleep by 12 today - hm, well. Nevermind shall give myself a bitttt of allowance, and I will not touch any blog, or blogging-related thing, until friday. Thus a disjointed post.
Band, they are so very weird. I don't get it. I hope they practice; nothing comes without effort ("天下没有不劳而获的事。" heh.)
Not sure whether to go for prac or GM this thursday, seeing that the former will be the first with them, the latter the last I'll ever have.
Oh, I wish Thursday wouldn't come, for a number of reasons. The thought is rather unsettling.
It's been a crazy weekend. Fri/Sat/Sun involved sleeping times of 5am (ok this was my own fault :P though we had a nice long convo again) / 4am / NA.
Yes, I actually SURVIVED a day in school without having slept the night before! (Am trying to be optimistic about this record, which I hope to only set once in my RGS life.) Chem PT wasn't so bad since it was a guidebook. But History PT was awful, and I was so embarrassed looking at the brilliant creativity of my classmates' - when mine was a very plain booklet, with nothing particularly interesting. I'm sorry, I just couldn't give more in that state. Shall just hope that Mr Law's promise that "no one ever fails History PTs" stays, and just hope it won't pull down my Hist grade too much (seeing it's the only comfortable grade I got for MYAs).
Then again, though exhaustion can be burdensome, and PTs making our state "PT-ful", I'm trying to remember. Apart from the myriad of band songs that randomly play in my head, there's this song that I periodically hum quietly, to myself, or to Him; how liberating and joy-bringing it is. Music can touch so, more than words can express, and it's so much easier to face the world with a smile. Somehow. That's really all I cling to as challenges (and tiredness/drowsiness) prevail.
Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect, when I am weak
All that I cling to, I lay at your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me.
I'm no longer striving to merit your love
I rest in Your promise to me
That all of my sins have been washed in your blood
And now by Your grace I am free
[edit] I forgot. Weiqi's, well, "birthday" yesterday. Birth and death, how mortal we are. [/edit]
Hello all! 
That an entire post is dedicated to the promotion of our upcoming concert, Cadenza XI, reveals its importance (not just to me, but to the rest of RGSSB as well) and so please consider:
Cadenza XI - RGSSB's biannual (that's once in two years) concert showcasing a wide variety of pieces! From the short and breathtakingly catchy to the longer more colourful ones, it certainly guarantees ear (and eye :P) candy for all.
Our repertoire consists of pieces such as Carmen Fantasy, Global Variations, Aquarium, Selection from 'Cats', Russian Sailors Dance, The Pioneers, Brazil, The Centurion, Metro Gnome, Prince of Egypt, and Tico-tico.
The concert's on 19th July, a Saturday, from 3pm (to about 5pm) at Singapore Conference Hall. Tickets are priced at $12/16. The nearest MRT station is Tanjong Pagar, a mere 5-minute walk away (and hey, you get to enjoy the scenery and ambience as well as exercise those lethargic legs to gear up for the relaxing concert and tuneful melodies ahead.)
Well, thus concludes a short post (in an attempt to sleep earlier) - thank you in advance for your support (I know you want to go!) Drop a comment / an email / SMS, anything, and you'll receive a more-than-delighted response. And thanks also to those who are already going (like those from 106! :D) On a side note, we have tons of tickets left to sell, so please do show your support. What's more, for those in RG, it's a support school activity so rather than sitting there and growling cheering, you actually get to appreciate the music :D And the best part is it's during the APEG week for RG - to reduce the stress (if any) of spending your time as such.
Thank you very much and the author patiently awaits your affirmative response.
[Author's note: I don't think I've let out so much in a "public" post, but have decided to come clean for once about it - haha, I do have another blog, which shall still remain private except to some, but maybe this place shall become more active. And this post is copied-pasted wholesale, so that I don't hide the bits of my thoughts which are not as nice.]
I'm back! Thanks to the many who have expressed concern at my disappearance, haha, it seems so surreal to be thrown back into the hecticness of life once again. Case in point - after unpacking everything (which wasn't much, I survived on three shirts and two pants over the six days, yes ;D Well, that was at mom's urging to "pack less" to minimise washing) I happily logged on to discover tons of stuff left to do, not including the remaining homework that's left undone. Nevertheless, I'm glad for having had this retreat, lest this week be spent in tired resignation to the work left. As dad always says, "work expands to fit your time".
Well, church camp was great (am too sleepy to think of a better adjective). There certainly won't be enough time to note down the things whizzing past in my head, what with shutting eyelids and this clock I can see ticking out of the corner of my eye - gotta wake up at 7+ tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I can wake up :D
The speakers were excellent, well, not surprisingly - being internationally renown. I'm just surprised that they could come, given the somewhat-lower-profile of our church. Dr Richard Blackaby did mention, though, that he rarely came on such camps (much less halfway across the world!) but this round, he knew he was called to do so, and so he did, bringing his son in tow. It was amazing and humbling to see his son, too, just a couple of years older than I am; and yet how much more mature in thought and action.
(Oh, did I mention, as carsick as I was, I'm glad we got to drive in this nice airconditioned car, and didn't have to cram into the packed buses, teehee :D)
I think this camp was one of the largest turnouts so far, 300+ people, to think that just a few years back that number was probably about the size of the entire church. Unlike youth retreat, there wasn't much time to "be alone" I suppose, but at least there were activities to be involved in. Got to sit with a few different people at mealtimes and all, and have gotten to know some people better (and admittedly, have talked to some for the first time). Speaking of mealtimes, dad was rather surprised at how tough my stomach appeared to be (apparantly many good mild food poisoning from eating the salad, which I'd eaten every day) - well, it turns out that my intestines weren't quite as strong, haha, had a bad bout of stomachaches after coming home (at least it was after the entire camp)!
I guess there were only two grouses, the music (sometimes) and the True Love Waits talk, which were very minor; the camp was indeed meaningful. However deborah bids me elaborate a little on the latter, so I shall. It wasn't particularly interesting, and having already pledged twice or thrice, it was kind of hard to sustain any form of interest (uncle KC was a much better speaker.) Well, the talks turned into silent (or not-so) games of hangman as we attempted to stifle our laughter at ourselves and our uh, innate corny-ness, as well as count the alphabet on our fingers. Felt quite bad though, at the end, when he solemnly asked us to go up and make commitments, uh, so I escaped to the toilet rather shamefully; rather'd not make a commitment without being in a serious frame of mind (which I hardly was, after deborah lost three times in a row and hanged someone =P).
Alright, enough on that. Our group was suprisingly enthusiastic and completely different from what I expected! Despite the youth-youngadult-adult ratio being 4:4:6, and my initial apprehensiveness towards everyone in it, I thank God for putting me with this group of people to learn, so much, from them. Uncle KC was our group leader - encouraging in his usual kindly-understanding manner, and Eugene the ever-focused assistant. There were quite some interesting people, including a re-married couple, and a husband-and-wife team, made up of a completely different pair. Everyone contributed to the team during the group activities in whatever way they could: the "young" ones went to buy materials, the younger helped coordinate, and the youngest did the actual stuff. There was a lot of personal sharing as well, which was surprising, with people even confiding about divorced parents and remarriages and all.
Physical-tangible stuff aside, I know how often I fail - and come to think of it, even youth retreat wasn't enough to help recooperate. This time will be different, will see change.
The camp theme for this year was "Living for What Really Matters". It's been challenging to see what I've really been living for (particularly this year; Dr Blackaby's comment on "living on yesterday's obedience" particularly hit home) - for school? for results? for band? for getting out neatly-formatted and word-perfect (for psb, icyl, LM stuff or whatever) documents? for myself?!
I think all of these strike a chord, somewhere or another, and I realise how inward-looking I've been. Selfish with my stretched time and energy, unwilling to sacrifice if it hurt me, or my pride - that really hit home, I really have been investing too much in myself - and realising that it's come to nothing much but temporal (or occasionally, no) personal satisfaction. Most times it's just reflected how short-lived and transient my joy is.
I remember this day, just two weeks back or so, (I think after ensemble auds) we were having indiv in place of sectionals, so as usual I was attempting to make the best of it, smoothen out some parts and "get things done". No one was there with me but my sbm, and well, after a few minutes she tapped me and said "let's talk" and flopped down on the floor. Slightly annoyed, I sort of just looked pityingly and asked something the lines of "oh dear, are you very tired?" and went back to practising, telling myself that I won't succumb to the supposed "temptation" of slacking off. I guess I didn't bother to look, but there must have been unspoken hurt in her eyes.
That wasn't the end of it; God must have wanted to give me a second chance. A few minutes later, she asked me again, and inside me something said, "Are you willing to give up those few minutes of practice?" and I'd have liked to say no, well, wanting to be "focused" -so I thought- and all, but He tugged again so I was like, alright alright, let's sit down. Within a few minutes the slight annoyance turned into shamefulness as I listened, and nearly wanted to pound myself for my initial unwillingness to listen. In times of distress I nearly turned my own sbm away, and I couldn't help but wonder how many times I'd rejected others too. Like all the recesses and lunches spent sitting in class rushing out homework. So much for being a "peer support" (much less leader) when I couldn't even give a few minutes of my now preciously-guarded time to someone else, to hear them out. I realise how selfish I've been, and was reminded of the power of investing in others.
There's been other things God's spoken, in particular also the thing about "pruning". There's been quite a lot of things that I've been asking God to take away, especially because it's uncomfortable, hard, awkward, "not me" etc. We were reminded that God certainly isn't interested in us being comfortable; He's interested in whether we grow to be more like Christ. And if that entails being uncomfortable, so be it.
What have I been doing, gosh. A thousand apologies to my classmates, batchmates, churchmates, family, friends, everyone I know. Maybe that won't even suffice. My classmates, I still feel like a foreigner amongst most of them, for I barely know many people, a far cry from how much I "invested" my my class last year. Batchmates are probably as dear as ever, yet the majority of us have even less time to talk as school presses on. Those in church, especially the youth, I could be ashamed to say I've been in the church for more than ten years and yet barely know even my own sunday school classmates.
Most of all, a cry of repentance to God, yet You stay faithful, I know.
For those falling into the same trap of selfishness, take time to reconsider.
For those ever-generous still, don't follow my mistake.
Well, mini-sermonette over :p If you're reading this, I may know you or might not, but especially if you're a christian, I do hope you might learn something.
On a final note, though, I'd like to challenge you: what do you live for?
God bless.
